A ten year old public school boy was finding fifth grade math to be
the challenge of his life. Science? A piece of cake. Geography? No big
deal. Spelling? Ha! Give me a break...but MATH? It was devastating! To
not only him, but his mom and dad, too! And not that they weren't doing
everything and anything to help their son...Private tutors, peer assistance,
CD-ROMS, Textbooks, even HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked.
Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll
their son in a private school. Not just ANY private school, but a Catholic
school. Nuns. Daily mass. The whole shootin' match. Well, the first day
of school finally arrived, and dressed in his salt-and-pepper cords and
white wool dress shirt and blue cardigan sweater, the youngster ventured
out into the great unknown. His mother and father were convinced they
were doing the right thing. They were both there waiting for their son
when he returned home.
Kevin and Ryan, ages five and three, were waiting for
breakfast one Saturday morning. As their mother was preparing some pancakes,
the boys began to argue loudly over who would get the first one from
the griddle.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If
Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first
pancake. I can wait.'" she explained.
Kevin immediately turned to his younger brother and said, "Okay, Ryan,
you be Jesus!"
Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws
trying to enforce 10 commandments.
Here's a little humor under the heading of "Trustworthiness":
A little boy walked down the beach, and as he did, he
spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He
walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?"
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with
gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly,
but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for
a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the
same in my business."
A little boy was watching his new baby brother who was
crying full force.
"Where'd we get him, mom?" he asked.
"From Heaven," the mother answered.
The little boy wrinkled his nose and covered his ears
with his hands and stated matter-of-factly, "This is probably why they
didn't keep him there!"
This was a notice to inform the congregation about a PANTRY
PARTY for the pastor:
"Due to the fact that this is Pastor Appreciation month,
we will be having a Pastor Appreciation Party down at the white building
on October 31, 1999. Please bring a panty item so that we can build
up Pastor's Y2K panty for him and Edna. This is a surprise, so please
do not tell him. Sandwiches, cider and donuts will be served. Please
come and show the Pastor how much you support and appreciate him. We
look forward to seeing you then."
Debra Roberts, Mansfield, Ohio
An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and
asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi's office and is offered
a seat.
"Rabbi, I believe a member of your synagogue, Mr. Klutz,
states on his tax return that he has donated $100,000 to the synagogue.
Tell me, Rabbi, is this cor
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One Sunday after church Mom asked very young daughter
what the lesson was about. Daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll
get your quilts". Needless to say, mom was perplexed. Later in the day,
Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday
school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming".
Now it made sense.
A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and
thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said.
The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful
as the last sermon you heard me preach."
"Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman.
"Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three
months."
There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible
to her brother in another part of the country.
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A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the
way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking
at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible
and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from
a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I
found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother
asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's
suit!!"
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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached,
he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping
b
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A minister was walking through the woods and came face to
face with a huge bear. He fell down on his knees and prayed, "Father,
please make this bear a Christian!"
While he was praying he heard a big "Thud".
He opened his eyes to see the bear right in front of him on his knees
with his paws held together as if in prayer.
The minister let out a sigh of relief, and then he heard the bear say,
"Father, bless this meal I am about to receive..."
A lthough things are not perfect B ecause of trial or pain C ontinue in thanksgiving D o not begin to blame. E ven when the times are hard F ierce winds are bound to blow G od is forever able H old on to what you know. I magine life without His love J oy would cease to be K eep thanking Him for all the things L ove imparts to thee. M ove out of "Camp Complaining" N o weapon that is known O n earth can yield the power P raise can do alone. Q uit looking at the future R edeem the time at hand S tart every day with worship T o "thank" is a command. U ntil we see Him coming V ictorious in the sky W e'll run the race with gratitude X alting God most high. ... Read more »
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled
the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from his bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of his bedroom, and with
even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing
with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already
in Heaven: there, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it Heaven? Or, was
it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that
he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table,
landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the
wonderous taste of the co
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At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished
the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's
something I can't figure out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel
crossed the Red Sea. Right?"
"Right."
"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines,
right?"
"Er--right."
"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again, you're right."
"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians,
and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of
Israel were always doin' somethin' important. Right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "S
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