Between moments of dispensing wisdom, managing things ecclesiastic, and occasionally intervening in world affairs, it seems that earth's religious leaders had also learned computer programming. One day, a great contest was held to test their skills.

After days and days of fierce competition, only two leaders remained for the last day's event: Jesus and Mohammed. The judge described the software application required for the final test, and gave the signal to start writing code.  

The two contestants feverishly typed away on their keyboards. Routines, classes, applets and applications flew by on their screens at incredible speeds.  Windows, dialogs, and other intricate graphics began forming on their monitors.  The clock showed that the contest would soon be finished.   Suddenly, a bolt of lightning f ... Read more »

With a timid voice and idolizing eyes, the little boy greeted his father as he returned from work, "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"  

Greatly surprised, but giving his boy a glaring look, the father said: "Look, son, not even your mother knows that. Don't bother me now, I'm tired."  

"But Daddy, just tell me please!? How much do you make an hour," the boy insisted.  

The father finally giving up replied: " Twenty dollars per hour."  
"Okay, Daddy? Could you loan me ten dollars?" the boy asked.  

Showing restlessness and positively disturbed, the father yelled:  
"So that was the reason you asked how much I earn, right?? Go to sleep and don't bother me anymore ... Read more »

The five People in the bible who suffered from constipation are Cain because he was not Abel (able)

Moses because God gave him two tablets

David because he sat forty years on the throne

Nathanial because he was seen sitting under a fig tree

and tight ass (titus)

was a senior in highschool.   I went to school half a day and then worked at the hospital as a nurses aid.  

I was feeling so chipper that day at work.  I had on a brand uniform.  It was a pink dress.   I had a brand new pair of white hose and a brand new pair of white nursing shoes on.   I felt good.  I felt crisp and clean. 

I was just going around thanking God for my comfortable shoes and nice uniform.   I just felt all that.  

As I began to make my rounds, I went into an elderly man's room.   He was supposed to be restrained so he would not get out of bed.

I stood at the end of the bed and asked my patient how he was doing.   I went to move and my foot went into something very slick.  The next thing I knew, I was on the floor and this stuff was on my leg.  I looked down to find that my patient had moved his bed over, done the ... Read more »

"Looking for a sign from God? This is it."

"No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace."

"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."

"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holdingstone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline thatreads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red

letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own

message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!"

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.

When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixedthe outs ... Read more »

Hell has no exits.
Heaven needs none.

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Prayer is the key to Heaven, but faith unlocks the door. (Mosie Lister)

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Trials are the food of faith.

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No one is hopeless who hopes in God.

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Little is much when God is in it!

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Never try to carry tomorrow's burdens with today's grace.

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We look upon prayer simply as a means of getting things for ourselves, but the Biblical purpose of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself. (Oswald Chambers)

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Reading the Bible without meditating on it is like trying to eat without swallowing.

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God's love for us is not a love that always exempts us from trials, but rather, a love that always sees us through trials.

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God does not ask your ability or your inability. He asks only your availability. (Mary Kay Ash)

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If yo ... Read more »

How who fears God has nothing to fear.

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The most powerful position on earth is kneeling before the Lord of the universe.

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One cannot build a church with stumbling blocks.

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One cannot spell church without U.

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The church must always be in exodus.

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All that is needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. (Edmund Burke)

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Wonder is the basis of worship.

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Put your creed in your deed.

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Those who walk with God won't run from people's needs.

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It is good to be a Christian and you know it, but it is better to be a Christian and show it!

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You will never stand alone while standing on the Word of God. (Kathryn Souza-Wine)

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If no one ever had a need, we’d never see a miracle.

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What I can do, plus what God ... Read more »

Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!

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Those who walk with God always reach their destination.

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It is my hearts desire that I must be NO more, that He be KNOWN more. (Saheed B. Olalekan)

Here is a note from Saheed: "This quote is my life statement. I arrived at that after much prayer. I was once a Moslem. Now Jesus is in His right place in my life. In Christ alone is it worth living.

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God specializes in things thought impossible.

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Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.

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God not only orders our steps but He orders our stops.

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Did it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?

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Happiness is in Heaven, but the joy is in the journey

... Read more »

1) Nice bible.

2) I would like to pray with you.

3) You know Jesus? Me too.

4) God told me to come talk to you.

5) I know a church where we could go and talk.

6) How about a hug, sister?

7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.

8) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug.

9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11.

10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?

12) I am here for you.

13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry." How about dinner?

14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.

15) Do you want to come over and watch the Ten Commandments tonight?

16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?

17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman (man) that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?

... Read more »