was a senior in highschool. I went to school half a day and then worked at the hospital as a nurses aid.
I was feeling so chipper that day at work. I had on a brand uniform.
It was a pink dress. I had a brand new pair of white hose and a brand
new pair of white nursing shoes on. I felt good. I felt crisp and
clean.
I was just going around thanking God for my comfortable shoes and nice uniform. I just felt all that.
As I began to make my rounds, I went into an elderly man's room. He
was supposed to be restrained so he would not get out of bed.
I stood at the end of the bed and asked my patient how he was doing. I
went to move and my foot went into something very slick. The next
thing I knew, I was on the floor and this stuff was on my leg. I looked
down to find that my patient had moved his bed over, done the
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"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holdingstone
tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline thatreads,
"For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with
red
letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated
with its own
message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!"
A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to
sing at a church.
When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixedthe
outs
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Prayer is the key to Heaven, but faith unlocks the door. (Mosie Lister)
Trials are the food of faith.
No one is hopeless who hopes in God.
Little is much when God is in it!
Never try to carry tomorrow's burdens with today's grace.
We look upon prayer simply as a means of getting things for ourselves,
but the Biblical purpose of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself.
(Oswald Chambers)
Reading the Bible without meditating on it is like trying to eat without
swallowing.
God's love for us is not a love that always exempts us from trials,
but rather, a love that always sees us through trials.
God does not ask your ability or your inability. He asks only your
availability. (Mary Kay Ash)
Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the
impossible!
Those who walk with God always reach their destination.
It is my hearts desire that I must be NO more, that He be KNOWN more.
(Saheed B. Olalekan)
Here is a note from Saheed: "This quote is my life statement. I arrived
at that after much prayer. I was once a Moslem. Now Jesus is in His
right place in my life. In Christ alone is it worth living.
God specializes in things thought impossible.
Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's
grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the
need of God's grace.
God not only orders our steps but He orders our stops.
Did it ever occur to you that nothing occurs to God?
Happiness is in Heaven, but the joy is in the journey
A ten year old public school boy was finding fifth grade math to be
the challenge of his life. Science? A piece of cake. Geography? No big
deal. Spelling? Ha! Give me a break...but MATH? It was devastating! To
not only him, but his mom and dad, too! And not that they weren't doing
everything and anything to help their son...Private tutors, peer assistance,
CD-ROMS, Textbooks, even HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked.
Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll
their son in a private school. Not just ANY private school, but a Catholic
school. Nuns. Daily mass. The whole shootin' match. Well, the first day
of school finally arrived, and dressed in his salt-and-pepper cords and
white wool dress shirt and blue cardigan sweater, the youngster ventured
out into the great unknown. His mother and father were convinced they
were doing the right thing. They were both there waiting for their son
when he returned home.
Kevin and Ryan, ages five and three, were waiting for
breakfast one Saturday morning. As their mother was preparing some pancakes,
the boys began to argue loudly over who would get the first one from
the griddle.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If
Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first
pancake. I can wait.'" she explained.
Kevin immediately turned to his younger brother and said, "Okay, Ryan,
you be Jesus!"
Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws
trying to enforce 10 commandments.
Here's a little humor under the heading of "Trustworthiness":
A little boy walked down the beach, and as he did, he
spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He
walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?"
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with
gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly,
but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station.
Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay.
It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for
a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the
same in my business."
A little boy was watching his new baby brother who was
crying full force.
"Where'd we get him, mom?" he asked.
"From Heaven," the mother answered.
The little boy wrinkled his nose and covered his ears
with his hands and stated matter-of-factly, "This is probably why they
didn't keep him there!"
This was a notice to inform the congregation about a PANTRY
PARTY for the pastor:
"Due to the fact that this is Pastor Appreciation month,
we will be having a Pastor Appreciation Party down at the white building
on October 31, 1999. Please bring a panty item so that we can build
up Pastor's Y2K panty for him and Edna. This is a surprise, so please
do not tell him. Sandwiches, cider and donuts will be served. Please
come and show the Pastor how much you support and appreciate him. We
look forward to seeing you then."
Debra Roberts, Mansfield, Ohio
An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and
asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi's office and is offered
a seat.
"Rabbi, I believe a member of your synagogue, Mr. Klutz,
states on his tax return that he has donated $100,000 to the synagogue.
Tell me, Rabbi, is this cor
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