There were two brothers,
8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever
went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in
it. Their parents were at their wits' end trying to control them. Hearing
about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested
to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys. The father
agreed.
The mother went to the priest and made her request.
He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone.
So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across from him at a huge impressive desk.
For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other.
Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where
is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of th
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Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and
drew out A little prophet.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? A. Ruth-less.
Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible? A. Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord. A. 2 Cor. 48 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen Beetle:
"We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."
If you know the Bible - even a little - you'll find this hilarious!
It comes from elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the
Old & New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were
written by the children. they have not been retouched or
corrected(i.e.incorrect spelling has been left in.)
1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of
creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's
wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on in pears.
3. Lot 's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by
night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like D
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An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring
all that the accident of evolution had created. "What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in
the bushes behind him. He turned to look, just in time to see a 7-foot
grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder & saw the bear closing in on him. He tried
to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He
looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.
His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even
faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick
himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill
him.
God gave us noses, to keep us humble,
not to stick in the air, or poke into trouble;
Placed over the mouth to drip and run,
to remind us we're nothin, and He's #1!
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his
lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered
the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to
sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands,
sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time,
no one said anything.
Both the doctor and the lawyer were touched and flattered that the
preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They
were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication
that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his
many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious
behavior that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said wea
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An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled
the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from his bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of his bedroom, and with
even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing
with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already
in Heaven: there, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it Heaven? Or, was
it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that
he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table,
landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the
wonderous taste of the co
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