One Sunday after church Mom asked very young daughter
what the lesson was about. Daughter answered "Don't be scared, you'll
get your quilts". Needless to say, mom was perplexed. Later in the day,
Pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday
school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming".
Now it made sense.
A woman approached the minister after the sermon, and
thanked him for his discourse. "I found it so helpful," she said.
The minister replied: "I hope it will not prove as helpful
as the last sermon you heard me preach."
"Why, what do you mean?" asked the astonished woman.
"Well," said the minister, "that sermon lasted you three
months."
There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible
to her brother in another part of the country.
... Read more »
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the
way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
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A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking
at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible
and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from
a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. "Momma, look what I
found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother
asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's
suit!!"
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The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached,
he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping
b
... Read more »
A minister was walking through the woods and came face to
face with a huge bear. He fell down on his knees and prayed, "Father,
please make this bear a Christian!"
While he was praying he heard a big "Thud".
He opened his eyes to see the bear right in front of him on his knees
with his paws held together as if in prayer.
The minister let out a sigh of relief, and then he heard the bear say,
"Father, bless this meal I am about to receive..."
A lthough things are not perfect B ecause of trial or pain C ontinue in thanksgiving D o not begin to blame. E ven when the times are hard F ierce winds are bound to blow G od is forever able H old on to what you know. I magine life without His love J oy would cease to be K eep thanking Him for all the things L ove imparts to thee. M ove out of "Camp Complaining" N o weapon that is known O n earth can yield the power P raise can do alone. Q uit looking at the future R edeem the time at hand S tart every day with worship T o "thank" is a command. U ntil we see Him coming V ictorious in the sky W e'll run the race with gratitude X alting God most high. ... Read more »
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled
the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from his bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of his bedroom, and with
even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing
with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already
in Heaven: there, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally
hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it Heaven? Or, was
it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that
he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table,
landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the
wonderous taste of the co
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At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished
the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period.
"Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's
something I can't figure out."
"What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt.
"Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel
crossed the Red Sea. Right?"
"Right."
"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines,
right?"
"Er--right."
"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"
"Again, you're right."
"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians,
and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of
Israel were always doin' somethin' important. Right?"
"All that is right, too," agreed Goldblatt. "S
... Read more »
One day, an atheist professor who constantly tries to disprove God stood
up on a podium in front of his class and said, "Today class I will
disprove God! If God really exists then he will knock me off this podium
within 15 minutes!" The professor then took his watch and started to
keep time.
...
"10 minutes to go God!"
...
"5 minutes to go God!"
...
Now a football player was outside the door and heard the teacher
counting. When he heard what the teacher was doing, he was furious and
waited.
"1 minute left! Well class as you can see there is no possible way that i will come off this podium no so your God is..."
At that moment the football player came charging in and tackled the
professor off the podium and onto the floor. Stunned the professor
stammered, "wh-where did you come from?!"
The football player smirked and replied, "God was busy so he sent me."
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to
the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God, she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and
8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital
and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone
come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to
live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I though you
said I had another 40 years?"
There once lived a vampire the legends say,
who couldn't stand blood in any way.
While others hunted and killed for delight,
this monster would hide, for fear of the night.
And when others drank from throats and fled,
this strange one kissed their necks instead.
And when the victims screamed their fears,
he'd talk to them, and dry their tears.
When monsters roam the streets at night,
this beastly thing would sit and write.
Stories and poems of love and pain,
written to those who have been slain.
Now no one knows why he did such things,
but legends say God gave him wings.
And to this day the legends state,
he stands outside, of Heaven's Gate.
So when you die and see him there,
go talk to him if you dare.
He'll kiss your cheek, and dry your tears
and wipe away, all your fears
