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Main » 2011 » September » 02

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the accident of evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.

As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look, just in time to see a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw the bear closing in on him. He tried to run even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.

His heart was pumping frantically as he tried to run even faster, but he tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up and saw the bear right on top of him raising his paw to kill him.

At that instant, he cried out, "Oh my God!"

Just then, time stopped... The b ... Read more »

Category: Funny | Views: 536 | Added by: Sherlock | Date: 2011-09-02 | Comments (0)

God gave us noses, to keep us humble,
not to stick in the air, or poke into trouble;
Placed over the mouth to drip and run,
to remind us we're nothin, and He's #1!
Category: Funny | Views: 496 | Added by: Sherlock | Date: 2011-09-02 | Comments (0)

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his doctor and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the doctor and the lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the doctor said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said wea ... Read more »

Category: Funny | Views: 700 | Added by: Sherlock | Date: 2011-09-02 | Comments (0)

"Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me.

Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess."

Category: Funny | Views: 526 | Added by: Sherlock | Date: 2011-09-02 | Comments (0)

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from his bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of his bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in Heaven: there, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it Heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wonderous taste of the co ... Read more »

Category: Funny | Views: 531 | Added by: Sherlock | Date: 2011-09-02 | Comments (0)

A grandfather overheard his granddaughter repeating the alphabet in reverent, hushed tones.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm praying, Grandpa," she said. "I can't think of the right words, so I just say all the letters. God will put them together for me, 'cause he knows what I'm thinking."

Category: Funny | Views: 583 | Added by: Sherlock | Date: 2011-09-02 | Comments (0)

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth."

Angel: "What are you going to do now?"

God: "Call it a day."

Category: Funny | Views: 566 | Added by: Sherlock | Date: 2011-09-02 | Comments (0)

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